Famous Quotes

  • oh i recycle. I always have.
  • it's a diaphragm spasm and im afraid it's heredetary.
  • i like this song. Ive never discussed it with anyone. But its a good song.
  • How is it affecting your hair? - Rick to jessica about the rain.
  • i have almost no memories except bad memories… With brandy. - Alex
  • oh yeah the dump! And you get to run around the trash piles and play! - Jessica
  • Do all of you have both your livers?! - Jessica
  • He slapped me with a mouth mirror once. In the hand, though. - Sareen about a mormon deacon, her boss.
  • How is that even a crime??? - Blake about the Salt Lake Tickle Bandit
  • Vince: "I caught you in a lie". Colby: "Yeah, well that's only because I lied"
  • Usually heavy things weigh more - Colby
  • I wanna regret this night - Sareen's last words
  • Oh theres a lot of things that taste like despair. You just haven't Lived long enough.
  • what movie was that where they used the word despair? I think it was The Princess Bride.
  • You want me to tell you eveything I know about palm trees?
  • When Will Smith cries it makes me really sad. - Jessica
  • Too bad black diamond doesn't make Elvish rope. - Erin
  • I don't ever have to move, right? That's the laws? - Garret
  • You look at another man, I call you a witch, you're dead. - Garret
  • Ughhh! It doesn't say what the year is!!! - Jessica looking frustratedly at her phone clock
  • Cat meme gives and cat meme takes - Alex
  • But what if the animal is just begging for it? - Alex
  • My heart granpa's dead - Chris
  • You're not really teaching, you're just managing future criminals - Kyler on teaching
  • In the boys tent we have our own rules - Alex Rødberg
  • I'm an old man and I just had a tropical smoothie - Tom Taylor
  • I like how they wake up. It's like baby rats. All crumpled and upset. What. You've never had a pet snake??? - Garret
  • Yeah, that bunny was talkin' shit - Garret
  • I think she was relatively fit before the accident - Nick
  • Seven dollars says you won't go ONCE more. What? that's the going rate for getting another dude to go to the bathroom. - Alex
  • The crowd's turned. We want blood at this point. - Alex, referring to the group observing Milo's butt.
  • I mean, I seriously wanna go to town on her face. - Erin
  • Cloaca. Yeah. I would LOVE to have a cloaca. - Garret
  • After watching "This is Us", you can really see why Jehovah destroys children. - Jessica
  • Marmons have a loooong history of shit-zus - Garret
  • You can't be chinless AND a goat - Garret
  • Come on guys. If you go and rape someone, you totally don't feel bad about it! - Jessica
  • Guys. Rape is a numbers game! - Jessica
  • Nick: All great artists have a process. Jessica: No we do!
  • So I saw this woman while I was buying baby rats. She wasn't pretty. But for some reason I was into it. - Garret
  • Everyone's going to turn 17 someday. And I'm going to be ready for them. - Jessica
  • I had a very smoothe puberty - Sean Parkinson
  • The challenge is two bananas and a Sprite. I know a guy who did it by accident. - Alex Parkinson
  • I used to have a big thing for cowboys - Colby
  • Jehovah said he was fond of the sons of men, not spruce trees and pigs - Gary
  • Oh hold on. I think everything flappy is on a woman. - Jessica
  • I don't care. I'll pee on him again. - Tim talking about Garret
  • Barak: In the birding world, we would call that a cloacal fart. Kijan: I never know if he's serious or not.
  • Milo: I dunno. My toilet is pretty full of happiness as it is. Kijan: It's been a good week.
  • you can't berate me for not doing a good job after I looked in your butt! -Erin
  • Maria: Wait, am I the giant penis?? Shawn: NO! My penis is the penis!
  • Guys my mind just works differently. Like I have these questions. Like, is a bear a dog or a cat? - Maria
  • Guys, what color do you think black people will be in the new system? - Maria
  • Oh that's right… I forgot women's taints aren't flappy - Shawn
  • Well I mean, I've made out with my cousins, but I've never had an encounter with an Uncle - Maria
  • Oh I've done stuff with my cousins, no doubt. - Shawn
  • Hold on. NO! You're the pink horse. IIII'm the sexually transmitted horse! - Jessica3 to Jessica1
  • I mean honestly I'd prefer a bear, but a monkey just makes more sense - Austen
  • Oh I'd take diarrhea over heavy petting any day - Crystal
  • No, you're not my baby. You're my full grown sex lady… I should compliment you more often. - Garrett
  • You know what the weird thing about that was? That came out of my MOUTH! - Jessica
  • I haven't turned on a LOT of black babies - Jessica
  • Dude, like at least 75% of us have done stuff with their cousins, am I right? - Shawn
  • Well I mean, we know at least 50% of us have done stuff with our cousins - Maria
  • Dude. I can't help it though. My cousins…. - Shawn
  • I'm a boy but that rat became a man - Jessica
  • My mom walked in on me because she wanted to see what she hadn't seen in years - Maria
  • although, I gotta say, the phrase 'gay pedophile' is really funny - Sean Parkinson
  • Poop right out of the chicken is too hot for your garden - Chelsea Stojic
  • I am not well versed in worm husbandry - Chelsea Stojic
  • I was just so happy that they were reproducing - Chelsea Stojic referring to her worms
  • I used to have blow dry my balls every day…. I used to blow dry my balls when we first got married. Do you remember? I didn't need to, it just felt good. - Garrett
  • I mean, I did know he was a Satanist when I had a crush on him. I mean what really is a Satanist? But I mean Satan stuff and poop stuff goes hand in hand. - Jessica
  • I hooked up with some spawning salmon but they wouldn't take it in the mouth - Tom
  • As an adult, he's not that hot! But as a 13 year old, he's hot… I wouldn't kick him out of bed. - Jessica
  • If we're talking about second best Jessicas: Hey! There's me!! - Alex (Jessica 2) talking to Jessica 3
  • Oh… he's trying to lure you into taint talk - Alex referring to Colby asking Jessica 1 what she's smelled recently
  • I mean, you get into a car accident and then decide to go refloor your condo, but then get this weird butt thing… I mean… who's fault is that??? - Alex
  • Sometimes I slur my words when I'm slober - Jessica
  • The only thing that could extinguish the fire in her loins was the flapping of the programmer arms - Alex
  • Oh I just ate a banana… but it was by accident - Maria
  • wait. Scrotums that I actually saw or scrotums that I wanted to see? - Maria
  • Dude. If that girl had a scrotum, we would have seen it. - Colby
  • Is September 1st national Pi day? - Jessica
  • Dude, I would touch her without her permission for sure! - Shawn referring to Ana de Armas
  • The penis is definitely the dad! - Maria referring to Peter Martinez
  • I mean, Warren is her dad. She knows what a penis looks like - Nick
  • Warren's was the first penis I saw - Britten
  • I showed you my balls in confidence!!! - Nick
  • A boot would give me more action than I've had recently - Nick
  • You are not a happy person if you want to poop in someone's mouth - Jessica
  • Do you have a square penis? Random unpromted question from Gary to Bryan
  • khakis are a young girls game - Jessica
  • I would never have my ball in my mouth. I would gag. - Garrett
  • Just from my mind-sketches, I know he's uncircumcised - Erin, referring to Taylor Horn
  • You either Rollerblade to Hansen or you don't Rollerblade at all - Nick
  • Wait, why would they (juggalos) hold big events. Isn't that an illegal profession? - Jessica
  • Well, we have to wait until April 2022 - Jessica. June 2022. Referring to the scheduled release of "Severance" Season 2
  • I feel like I have superhuman everything when I drink - Sareen
  • We will gladly treat you to a trash bag of watermelon if you leave - Blake referring to a group of rowdy restaurant patrons
  • Isn't that just anal with a B on the front? - Erin
  • I mean, I'm just sitting there speed-bagging my uvula… Sean Parkinson
  • I would've danced if I had a sister, but Derek was pretty nimble and beautiful, so….. - Garrett
  • It's kinda hard sometimes to tell what's the quack and what's the demon - Susan Keller
  • She killed two birds with three knuckles - Tamara Dražetić referring to Jessica putting her finger in Garrett's navel
  • If you think about livestock, you HAVE to think about sexual maturity - Tamara Dražetić
  • actually no, my uvula has callouses now - Sean Parkinson
  • Your sex duck just gave me PTSD. He's all around me - Garrett
  • There was this one time, pooping in the toilet didn't work, so I had to suck it out with a hose - Garrett
  • I mean they weren't attractive, and that's so sad when twins aren't attractive - Crystal Kobzeff
  • When I'm given a skeleton, I like to put the meat on it myself - Brian Maxwell
  • You have to be a virgin to be adorable. If you're not a virgin, you're no longer adorable. - Gary Kobzeff
  • I take the adorable out of all the boys - Jessica
  • Ever look at a fat person and wonder how much soap you could make out of them? - Alex Parkinson
  • there is no "speak friend and enter" for the butt - Erin
  • It's strange to think that we bonded over blue balls - anonymous
  • pedophilia… it just steals your joy - Warren
  • leave it to a fart to warm your heart - Jenna
  • Killer Flowers of the Sundance Move - Jessica talking about a recently released movie
  • But what if that 14 y/o boy's penis were the size of a full grown man's? - Shawn Kemp
  • I think the GREATEST addition to my life would be a spirit anus - Erin
  • She does not need to have the same number of chromosomes as the rest of you to get respect - Jasmine Bingham referring to Mykel Beers
  • I could do Michael Jackson right! - Jessica
  • The cold water kills off the weak mitochondria. Then the stronger mitochondria grows back. I think that's what happened to my anus. - Milo
  • Yeah, but everyone has a gun and you're going to get shot because you're such an a**hole - Jessica whispering to herself about Colby
  • I don't want to be involved in your knuckles finding relief - Jessica to Gary
  • honestly, it's good going home with one horse when there's two you could have gone home with - Maria
  • I'm the Eagle Man. Some of my Eagles were longer than their hole-in-ones - Rick referring to his golf game
  • we're all being groomed for some sort of crime that's going to happen - Gary
  • The Chinese and the Japanese have food that would stimulate you sexually - Rick talking to Austin
  • What food exactly? - Austin
  • Raping isn't gay… raping women?? - Atticus
  • It's nice that somebody died not wanting to die - Jessica
  • I dunno … I think I might be the closest thing there is to my dad as a woman - Jessica
  • Man! I feel like I just took a bunch of drugs! …. oh man…. that smells bad - Sean
  • Wait… do you guys fold yours in half, is it hot dog or hamburger style? - Mykal Noah
  • Wait… what is "retard safe space" - Colby asking about what Gary and Maria were taking about…
  • We've got Braille, we've got ramps. Make yourself at home. - Atticus about "Retard safe spaces"
  • Man, black guys just aren't what they used to be - Garrett
  • You boys should be proud of what you have! - Jessica to Atti and Cohen (underage) Wilson, referring to their genitals
  • That guy was a douche. It's nice to be able to say that about a black guy - Chris
  • Yeah. He got kicked in the head by a goat. I mean… he was Haitian - Shawn
  • I think that's what separates us from the hobos. Regardless of what they decide, it's gonna happen - Milo referring to deciding whether or not to drink
  • Hocks are often times the best part of the ham - Alex
  • If I owned a bar, I'd have a screaming match every wed night - Ric
  • I'm surprised homeless people don't sleep in the trees - Bryan
  • In Italy, we light them on fire - Rosy referring to gypsies
  • Hey you guys, I gotta Harvey Weinstein story that vindicates him. You wanna hear it? - Warren
  • Well… we're both under age, so I can't take another under age person to bed - Mykel referring to Juniper
  • Whatever. If you had a mustache, it would quiver - Garrett talking to Stephanie about boats
  • I'm old. I'm decrepit. I'm probably gay. But I've got my two boys - Dustin
  • I guess I exaggerated when I said that I was straight - Britten
  • No, I would want to fatten someone up. That's why I chose Ally McBeal - Maria referring to who she would want to eat her
  • You got any more of that PISS girl?! - Elliot quoting Capo referring to Jessica
  • It's not rape if it's with an animal - Sean
  • Oh man. That's a real hard question. What's better? Cocaine or Niacin? - Ric sarcastically pondering Josué's stupid question
  • Do you have anything else that bulges…? - Mykel to Dallon
  • I knew two Ick-balls by the time I was 5 - Sean
  • Sean: Our driver's name was also Ick-ball. He never wronged me. Alex: if anything, he facilitated your friendship with the box of Tide
  • Why are all the live jews complaining about all the dead jews?? - Jessica
  • Bitch, you knew he wasn't going to kill you, because you were pretty - Crystal referring to Ester (from the Bible)
  • You look like an inferior white. I'm sorry that came out wrong. I mean like old-school racism… you like like an Italian - Sean on Jessica's appearance
  • When I was a kindergartener I was very sexually charged - Jessica
  • Is that a moan or is that a giraffe breathing? … If you hear any kind of snort in there, that's not a moan - Maria
  • I feel like I want to reach out to you… but it feels wrong, because you're so young - Jessica referring to Nick Collings