Changes in 41693de: Created 5-27-2026 (markdown)

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          +# Therapy 5/27/2026

          +

          +- Am I allowed to keep my feelings about Erin private? What does that look like

          +- Erin was the first time I had a real sense that life did have some magic in it. Sometimes the spark is real and there are circumstances where it's not just a neverending hellscape of grim realities that you have to toughen yourself against. Sometimes the pretty girl has a soul that can recognize yours and against all odds you found her and a connection formed. What a strange life. How lucky to have found this, even if it is fleeting.

          +- About connection:

          +  - real or imagined I still feel the thread of connection there. how?

          +  - Humanity maybe not 8 billion selfish little bastards clamoring for superiority and survival. Maybe its one growing, evolving organism with shared joys, wounds and trauma that echo through the generations. An organism learning from mistakes or reacting to and growing from experiences, just like a person does, individually. As a complex growing intelligent organism, maybe individual members connected through time and space in ways we dont understand.

          +  - kindof like a forest. Previously understood to be a collection of individual plants. now known to be complex communities of interwoven root structures, communication, and who knows, even culture?

          +  - on some plane we dont understand, are my roots connected to Erin's? Maybe  maybe not. It feels like they are. But in a way I don't understand, but I feel. Is that love?

          +  - Another angle is kindof like lightning. The air ionizing between the sky and the ground until a channel of electricity erupts between to points. I've felt that air ionizing before. The static charge in the air, the hairs standing up. The energy trying to make a path. Sometimes more one sided than other times. Felt it a few times in my life. Strange. With Erin was the only time I felt the circuit complete. Bolt of lightning that changed everything. With lightning, it disappears in an instant. But if this electricity is more akin to some sort of deep coamic neural connection between people, like the root structure of a forest, maybe this bolt of lightning is more like forging a neural connection. The synapses connected. Over time we strengthened the signal. And everything that happened on the physical plane of reality was just the BS we had to deal with as a result. The guilt. The betrayals. The doing the right thing. the White Fanging. The moving on with life. But the connection remains, even if dormant.

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	1	+# Therapy 5/27/2026
	2	+
	3	+- Am I allowed to keep my feelings about Erin private? What does that look like
	4	+- Erin was the first time I had a real sense that life did have some magic in it. Sometimes the spark is real and there are circumstances where it's not just a neverending hellscape of grim realities that you have to toughen yourself against. Sometimes the pretty girl has a soul that can recognize yours and against all odds you found her and a connection formed. What a strange life. How lucky to have found this, even if it is fleeting.
	5	+- About connection:
	6	+ - real or imagined I still feel the thread of connection there. how?
	7	+ - Humanity maybe not 8 billion selfish little bastards clamoring for superiority and survival. Maybe its one growing, evolving organism with shared joys, wounds and trauma that echo through the generations. An organism learning from mistakes or reacting to and growing from experiences, just like a person does, individually. As a complex growing intelligent organism, maybe individual members connected through time and space in ways we dont understand.
	8	+ - kindof like a forest. Previously understood to be a collection of individual plants. now known to be complex communities of interwoven root structures, communication, and who knows, even culture?
	9	+ - on some plane we dont understand, are my roots connected to Erin's? Maybe maybe not. It feels like they are. But in a way I don't understand, but I feel. Is that love?
	10	+ - Another angle is kindof like lightning. The air ionizing between the sky and the ground until a channel of electricity erupts between to points. I've felt that air ionizing before. The static charge in the air, the hairs standing up. The energy trying to make a path. Sometimes more one sided than other times. Felt it a few times in my life. Strange. With Erin was the only time I felt the circuit complete. Bolt of lightning that changed everything. With lightning, it disappears in an instant. But if this electricity is more akin to some sort of deep coamic neural connection between people, like the root structure of a forest, maybe this bolt of lightning is more like forging a neural connection. The synapses connected. Over time we strengthened the signal. And everything that happened on the physical plane of reality was just the BS we had to deal with as a result. The guilt. The betrayals. The doing the right thing. the White Fanging. The moving on with life. But the connection remains, even if dormant.
...	...	\ No newline at end of file