Created 7-8-2026 (markdown)

+# Therapy 7/8/2026

+

+Great description of ennui:

+

+> By the middle of the 19th century, ennui became associated with the alienation of industrialization and modern life. Artists and poets suffered from it, and soon a claim to ennui was a mark of spiritual depth and sensitivity. It implied feelings of superiority and self-regard, the idea being that only bourgeois people too deluded or stupid to see the basic futility of any action could be happy. Now, in English, though it is defined as “a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction,” ennui also has connotations of self-indulgent posturing and European decadence.

+

+## Weird IFS

+

+- half asleep at night, after a drink and a microdose of THC

+- Discovered a new part

+- Little mouthy bastard. Talks like a stereotypical east coast, old school gangster. Filthy mouth. Basically everything he says is threatening or abrasive. Lots of threats and name calling.

+- Not super productive to ask him questions at first. A lot of stuff like:

+ - "How old are you?" - "Fuck you 'how old am I'. What, you writing a book or something. How old are you? Maybe start there you peice of shit."

+- Lots of graphic descriptions of violence it was going to do to me. It wasn't scary. The guy is little. It didn't really feel scary or anything.

+- I asked what it wanted. It wanted to be relevant. "You gotta be either really good or really bad to be relevant. I'm gonna do what it takes. I'm gonna say stuff that will leave a mark" (paraphrased)

+- Was kinda taking this all pretty personally. Then started to feel indignant and kinda resolved against it. Then I started to ask it questions in a much firmer tone, met it at its level. Started pushing it around. It responded. It couldn't fight back. Started to almost get some meaningful answers.

+- Lawyer, translator guy piped up: "I think that thing must be a part. It's not you"

+- So I asked it, and sure enough, it was not self, it was a previously unseen big powerful part. Calm and dark, and very large. One of its jobs is to protect me from the little mouthy bastard. It works. Little mouthy bastard shuts up. Lots of imagery of it physically restraining little mouthy bastard. Example: At one point little mouthy bastard shut up because big dark protector thing had it pinned to the ground with its foot, slowly threating to crush its ribs and push through its neck.

+- This part's presence does calm me down, but in a way that feels dark. I think I've felt this guy take over before. It makes me feel big and dark. Unshakeable. Invincible.

+- Asked this part to step aside and sit with us. It did.

+- Little mouthy bastard relaxed. Started answering questions. It was weird. Every time it started to get mouthy, big dark dude just looked at him and he got back in line. I tried to lead with curiosity and friendliness. That drew him out. But when he got belligerent, the other guy pushed him back in his place.

+- Asked if he knew other parts. It did. I asked if it knew the suicide/executioner part. It did. Laughed. Said something to the effect of "That guy has no idea what's going on."