Changes in a2ff399: Updated 5-27-2026.md (markdown)

				private/IFS/upcoming/5-27-2026.md
			
          @@ -7,4 +7,12 @@

             - Humanity maybe not 8 billion selfish little bastards clamoring for superiority and survival. Maybe its one growing, evolving organism with shared joys, wounds and trauma that echo through the generations. An organism learning from mistakes or reacting to and growing from experiences, just like a person does, individually. As a complex growing intelligent organism, maybe individual members connected through time and space in ways we dont understand.

             - kindof like a forest. Previously understood to be a collection of individual plants. now known to be complex communities of interwoven root structures, communication, and who knows, even culture?

             - on some plane we dont understand, are my roots connected to Erin's? Maybe  maybe not. It feels like they are. But in a way I don't understand, but I feel. Is that love?

          -  - Another angle is kindof like lightning. The air ionizing between the sky and the ground until a channel of electricity erupts between to points. I've felt that air ionizing before. The static charge in the air, the hairs standing up. The energy trying to make a path. Sometimes more one sided than other times. Felt it a few times in my life. Strange. With Erin was the only time I felt the circuit complete. Bolt of lightning that changed everything. With lightning, it disappears in an instant. But if this electricity is more akin to some sort of deep coamic neural connection between people, like the root structure of a forest, maybe this bolt of lightning is more like forging a neural connection. The synapses connected. Over time we strengthened the signal. And everything that happened on the physical plane of reality was just the BS we had to deal with as a result. The guilt. The betrayals. The doing the right thing. the White Fanging. The moving on with life. But the connection remains, even if dormant.

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          +  - Another angle is kindof like lightning. The air ionizing between the sky and the ground until a channel of electricity erupts between to points. I've felt that air ionizing before. The static charge in the air, the hairs standing up. The energy trying to make a path. Sometimes more one sided than other times. Felt it a few times in my life. Strange. With Erin was the only time I felt the circuit complete. Bolt of lightning that changed everything. With lightning, it disappears in an instant. But if this electricity is more akin to some sort of deep cosmic neural connection between people, like the root structure of a forest, maybe this bolt of lightning is more like forging a neural connection. The synapses connected. Over time we strengthened the signal. And everything that happened on the physical plane of reality was just the BS we had to deal with as a result. The guilt. The betrayals. The doing the right thing. the White Fanging. The moving on with life. But the connection remains, even if dormant. Is that love?

          +- Popular advice seems to be: move on. Why? And what doeS that mean?

          +  - Aside from the Jessica thing, not really negatively impacting me. Just something I fondly reflect on (and occasionally pine for). If this were tearing me apart, I would see the wisdom in cutting the thing loose.

          +  - Moving on for the sake of life optimization feels icky. The modern era pushing for cheaply moving through emotional situations to maximize perceived happiness and life experience feels soulless and capitalistic. History is filled with people who loved at a distance, and maybe theres more richness and texture to having that in your life than cutting losses and managing opportunity cost.

          +- Jessica switching couples therapist:

          +  - upsetting and sad. Losing a valued part of my support team. losing progress. switching away from IFS, so losing common language to use for this work.

          +  - but if Jessica is right and Ive poisoned Sarah against her, I owe it to Jessica to try something different.

          +  - Feels like I am losing all hope of a boundary that keeps the home free of several day long circular arguments about exhausting emotional topics. Even with Sarah that was pretty much gone. So the future looks exhausting and bleak.

          +  - Facing the reality that I was hoping couples therapy would be a way to address and correct some of Jessica's toxic behavior (and mine, of course). Now realizing I might have to get serious about structuring my reality around Jessica never changing. How do I proceed? Can I exist in that reality in a satisfying way? What does that look like?

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...	...	@@ -7,4 +7,12 @@
7	7	- Humanity maybe not 8 billion selfish little bastards clamoring for superiority and survival. Maybe its one growing, evolving organism with shared joys, wounds and trauma that echo through the generations. An organism learning from mistakes or reacting to and growing from experiences, just like a person does, individually. As a complex growing intelligent organism, maybe individual members connected through time and space in ways we dont understand.
8	8	- kindof like a forest. Previously understood to be a collection of individual plants. now known to be complex communities of interwoven root structures, communication, and who knows, even culture?
9	9	- on some plane we dont understand, are my roots connected to Erin's? Maybe maybe not. It feels like they are. But in a way I don't understand, but I feel. Is that love?
10		- - Another angle is kindof like lightning. The air ionizing between the sky and the ground until a channel of electricity erupts between to points. I've felt that air ionizing before. The static charge in the air, the hairs standing up. The energy trying to make a path. Sometimes more one sided than other times. Felt it a few times in my life. Strange. With Erin was the only time I felt the circuit complete. Bolt of lightning that changed everything. With lightning, it disappears in an instant. But if this electricity is more akin to some sort of deep coamic neural connection between people, like the root structure of a forest, maybe this bolt of lightning is more like forging a neural connection. The synapses connected. Over time we strengthened the signal. And everything that happened on the physical plane of reality was just the BS we had to deal with as a result. The guilt. The betrayals. The doing the right thing. the White Fanging. The moving on with life. But the connection remains, even if dormant.
...	...	\ No newline at end of file
	0	+ - Another angle is kindof like lightning. The air ionizing between the sky and the ground until a channel of electricity erupts between to points. I've felt that air ionizing before. The static charge in the air, the hairs standing up. The energy trying to make a path. Sometimes more one sided than other times. Felt it a few times in my life. Strange. With Erin was the only time I felt the circuit complete. Bolt of lightning that changed everything. With lightning, it disappears in an instant. But if this electricity is more akin to some sort of deep cosmic neural connection between people, like the root structure of a forest, maybe this bolt of lightning is more like forging a neural connection. The synapses connected. Over time we strengthened the signal. And everything that happened on the physical plane of reality was just the BS we had to deal with as a result. The guilt. The betrayals. The doing the right thing. the White Fanging. The moving on with life. But the connection remains, even if dormant. Is that love?
	1	+- Popular advice seems to be: move on. Why? And what doeS that mean?
	2	+ - Aside from the Jessica thing, not really negatively impacting me. Just something I fondly reflect on (and occasionally pine for). If this were tearing me apart, I would see the wisdom in cutting the thing loose.
	3	+ - Moving on for the sake of life optimization feels icky. The modern era pushing for cheaply moving through emotional situations to maximize perceived happiness and life experience feels soulless and capitalistic. History is filled with people who loved at a distance, and maybe theres more richness and texture to having that in your life than cutting losses and managing opportunity cost.
	4	+- Jessica switching couples therapist:
	5	+ - upsetting and sad. Losing a valued part of my support team. losing progress. switching away from IFS, so losing common language to use for this work.
	6	+ - but if Jessica is right and Ive poisoned Sarah against her, I owe it to Jessica to try something different.
	7	+ - Feels like I am losing all hope of a boundary that keeps the home free of several day long circular arguments about exhausting emotional topics. Even with Sarah that was pretty much gone. So the future looks exhausting and bleak.
	8	+ - Facing the reality that I was hoping couples therapy would be a way to address and correct some of Jessica's toxic behavior (and mine, of course). Now realizing I might have to get serious about structuring my reality around Jessica never changing. How do I proceed? Can I exist in that reality in a satisfying way? What does that look like?
...	...	\ No newline at end of file